How to overcome imposter syndrome
How do you overcome imposter syndrome?
1. Realize that everyone’s an imposter
Everyone’s making it up, and every entrepreneur experiences imposter syndrome at one point or another.
It’s just part of the contract you sign when you work for yourself, because our society is built on the illusion that people know what they’re doing and have it all together.
When you finally leave the corporate world to start a business, the illusion shatters and you see how just how much you don’t have it together.
But usually we get stuck there and don’t realize that it’s just a reality for everyone, hidden by the illusion of financial security (which doesn’t really exist), and the dreamy image of finally becoming so successful you never have big problems again (which also doesn’t really exist).
Everyone’s an imposter like you. Once you accept that, you can forget about pretending you’re an expert and start from the ground up. What do you want to know to become more of an expert? Who can you turn to for help?
Those questions make you a real expert over time.
2. Get excruciatingly humble
When you’re feeling imposter syndrome real hard, you’ll probably be able to relate to this.
One of our self-protection mechanisms is to pretend we’re more of an expert than we feel. On the outside we try to project confidence but on the inside we feel super anxious. Our anxiety puts up a wall and we get obsessed with proving ourselves or always having something smart to say.
And so we stop asking questions because they seem weak or like they’re the first step to people finding out we’re a fraud and don’t know what we’re talking about.
The result is that we don’t learn because we don’t ask for clarification or for help. And because we don’t learn we feel stuck and like a fraud and the cycle continues.
To break the cycle we need to get excruciatingly humble. Find someone you can be honest with and tell how much of a fraud you feel like. Journal about it. Record a video about it. Break the cycle of hiding and get super humble.
At the bottom of your humbleness is honesty. And in true honesty there is no fear, only truth. Without fear, you’re open to learning. And then progress starts happening very quickly.
I recommend starting as soon as possible. It’s your freedom from anxiety we’re talking about…why wait?
3. Identify your fears
When you’re confronting imposter syndrome there’s no use trying to bandaid mantras on top of your underlying fears. It’s a classic strategy that simply doesn’t work because you’re too smart for yourself.
If I feel like a fraud but I keep repeating the mantra, “I’m smart and successful”, hoping that the more I say it the more I’ll drown out the voice of doubt, I’m in for a real disappointment.
I can’t outsmart myself because underneath the mantra I haven’t yet identified and questioned my fears. And because I haven’t questioned them, I still believe them. No matter how many mantras I repeat.
Lets get right to the exercise here. Identify your underlying fears. Get out a pen and paper and write down your list of fears:
I’m afraid because…
I’m an imposter.
I’m a fraud.
Everyone’s going to see right through me.
I’m not ready yet.
People will find out I’m a fake.
Keep writing until you have nothing left to write about being an imposter.
This come-to-Jesus exercise is a big step in setting you free from imposter syndrome.
4. Question your fears
When you’re dealing with imposter syndrome, you can’t beat around the bush. In other words you can’t pretend that you don’t have imposter syndrome when you know that you do. In fact imposter syndrome runs on trying to pretend you don’t have it.
Once you stop pretending, you can actually start questioning the underlying fears and get to the bottom of whether you’re actually an imposter or not. Whether you’re fake or not. And all the other fears hiding below the surface.
The best tool I know for this is called The Work of Byron Katie. Her tool is a very simple, kind, meditative way of questioning your thinking. It’s all free over at the work.com. Once I questioned my fears I found find that I’ve been living a lie.
Fears like:
They think I’m a fraud.
They see right through me.
I’m not smart enough.
…are all untrue. But I’ve been believing them for years, and trying to prove myself worthy to other people when it was actually only me who didn’t believe in myself.
There’s no way for me or anyone else to free you from imposter syndrome, and there’s nothing you can read, watch, or listen to that will free you. The only way is to go inward and question your existing fears with an open mind.
It takes bravery, it takes stillness, but ultimately our freedom from imposter syndrome is right there underneath the anxiety itself.
Go get started!
